“Jessica – do you have a few minutes to meet me in my office? I want to share some news with you.”

Chair, Faculty Search Committee

Quivery, nauseated, feelings spilling up from gut to eye wells. Heart heavy with weight; weight of joy or sorrow or anger or fear? I take shallow breaths, for deep breathing feels dangerous, as though squeezing the juice box as you insert the straw.

Stomach twisted. Heart constricted. Feelings locked inside a box. A run to shake and work them free (32:00 5K is fast for me), then a walk and talk with Mom and Dad. Limp fish on the floor, emotionally exhausted. Then – just existing in a space held for me.

A sigh… My stomach feels its normal size. My heart fits inside my chest. The corners of my eyes connect to the corners of my mouth again. A tiny bit leaks out. I nestle into a lacuna reserved for me and my feelings. It feels just the right size.